Lessons in Dating for the PhD Job-Seeker by David Tang, PhD

Are you trying to transition from academia to an industry job?

Let me give you some dating advice.

If you’re like me, when you’re looking for your first job, you won’t have lot of experience with employment and only a tiny bit more experience with romance. But some dating wisdom you might already have also applies to your job search.

I’ve organized these tips along a rough job-search timeline, from preparing to look for jobs to interviews and beyond. Although these apply to most job seekers, they are aimed specifically at PhDs looking for their first non-academic role.

PRE-SEARCH MINDSET: Think about what you REALLY want before you start looking

Think back to your first attempts at dating, and your thought process from back then. You might have been thinking something like “I want whoever will take me” or “I just want to note be alone anymore.” Hopefully, this isn’t still your approach. Listen, PhDs… “I want money” and “I want to leave academia” are perfectly fine motivations for looking at industry roles. But they are not helpful filters for finding the right job. You need to figure out what’s actually important to YOU specifically, to help you figure out what you’re searching for outside of a “we’re hiring” sign.

JOB SEARCHING: Know what you’re looking for, but be flexible

Did you ever create a checklist for the perfect person to date? If you’ve been treating that checklist as a list of requirements you won’t compromise on, you might still be single today. Knowing what you’re looking for is great, but keep in mind that each opportunity is unique, you will discover good and bad parts of it, and there’s no “perfect” role that will last forever. Especially for your first role, expect to compromise on several things. What you get to decide is which aspects you’re willing to compromise on, which is why tip #1 is so important.

APPLYING: Don’t swipe right on everyone

I’ve met real people (all male, incidentally) who say yes to every prospect on a dating app to “play the numbers game.” This can work for some people looking for one-night stands, but the shotgun approach isn’t a great strategy for job hunting. I have seen many PhDs shoot off hundreds of applications with few or no responses. The reason is simple: they weren’t a good fit for most of them and didn’t put enough effort into tailoring their applications to make themselves LOOK like a good fit for the ones that were real possibilities. This method is the “hi” of first messages on dating apps. PhDs: you are at a severe disadvantage in the job market if you don’t have non-academic experience, and you need to do some prep work to make up for it.

BEFORE YOU INTERVIEW: Do some (light) cyberstalking

This is one of those things that most people do a little bit, but doing it too much gets creepy. If you’re going to have human interaction with someone, maybe look them up online. If someone asks you who you’re going to meet, your response shouldn’t be “guess I’ll find out.” PhDs: you’re not applying for entry-level positions. These are jobs that expect you to know and care a little bit about the organization. If you show up not even sure which organization you applied for, it might not go well.

DURING INTERVIEWS: On your first date, don’t talk about salary, politics, your dissertation, or your ex

Let’s break each of these down:

1. Salary: money can be a touchy subject, and you don’t want to bring it up first. Imagine your date greets you with “Hi I’m Sam, how much money do you make?” Be ready to talk about it when things get serious, but don’t initiate the conversation.
2. Politics: Just don’t. Even if you find a kindred spirit, it’s not going to get you what you’re looking for.
3. Your dissertation: I don’t care who you are, your dissertation is a dry topic of conversation. Unless they have a specific interest and ask you about it, don’t mention it. And if you do, for the love of god keep it under 2 minutes unless it’s part of your presentation.
4. Your ex: I get it. They hurt you. They were inconsiderate, irrational, a little unbalanced at times. Your date won’t enjoy listening to it, because they’re going to wonder if you’ll be telling stories about them later, and might assume you haven’t gotten over your ex yet. Your potential future employer is the same way, so don’t rant about the bad parts of academia. Focus on why you’re so interested in working with them!

BONUS: Talk to mutual acquaintances

If you’re thinking about being in a relationship with someone and you have a mutual friend, wouldn’t you ask a question or two? “Hey, what’s their deal?” Eventually, you might even ask “can you introduce me?” Think about your chances at a first date by going down this route versus if you walked up to them on the street and asked them out. Your chances are not zero nor 100% in either case, but mutual connections increase your odds for success dramatically. All of this applies to job searching too. Why? Pretend you own a company and you need to hire someone to do a thing. You could post an ad in craigslist and pick from the randos that seem nice, or you could talk to the person that your current employee suggested as a good fit. Again, neither one is guaranteed, but because one of them seems to have a higher chance of success, you’re going to prioritize the rando that has someone you know vouching for them already.

by David Tang, PhD 

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